Do you want to break free?

Speaking from the bondage of a past eating disorder, feeling safe is what you want. Feeling loved and accepted is what you long for. Oddly when I was in bondage for all those years, I thought I was keeping myself safe with the rules and walls I had erected around food, exercise, and body image.

What I learned though, was that was not safety I felt, it was comfort in my bondage. I was so use to the feeling the comfort of my bondage, the very thought of being free prettified me. To be free meant I’d have to do something different, and it would be super scary and uncomfortable! I felt stuck in a cycle I didn’t know how to get out of. What I felt was FEAR! Fear of staying the same. Fear of changing. Fear of not being loved and accepted. If people knew me they’d think I’m a fraud, and they would hate me. This sweet friend is not of God. He did not give you a spirit of fear. God loves you and intends for YOU to live in FREEDOM, but that’s your choice. You get to choose to stay in bondage to fear, pride, food, exercise, drugs, alcohol, shopping, sex…..whatever your vice is. You get to choose. For me it is was an eating disorder and body image issues, people pleasing, past traumas, and no boundaries. Maybe you can relate?

When we are rooted in fear and being perfect, it’s exhausting. You have to uphold the image. When you have food rules, good foods, bad foods, exercise everyday to the point of hurting yourself and STILL fall short. It simply keeps the cycle going. You keep doing all the things hoping to one day meet the goal. What you don’t realize is the bar keeps getting placed higher and higher. Maybe one day you do, and you find out you’re still not enough. You still fall short.

What is wrong with me, you ask? You are human.

For someone with an eating disorder or disordered eating if you eat something on the the bad list, do you now think you are bad? Do you feel shame and guilt?

Friend, you were never meant to carry shame or guilt.

When you eat foods on the good list, do you now think you are good? And do you think others are bad because of the choices they make?

I can answer, yessss, I have thought that.

If you miss a workout, what does that do to you? Do you feel shame and guilt? Are you bad now?

Ohhh friend, I know shame and guilt all too well. Maybe you do too. But you can be free from the shame and guilt that tries to consume you. Run to THE ONE who can heal you and set you free!!

Now on the other side and walking in freedom from an eating disorder, I still realized I was dealing with some pride issues. Me? HAAA! Not me Lord 🤣🙈🤷🏼‍♀️ A particular person in my life, has a history of not making good choices. That infuriates me quite honestly. I could get into some pride thinking I know better than they do. And, maybe I do😜 If they would just eat this certain way, they would be better, healthier. If they would go to the dr and actually do what the dr says, they would be better and healthier. I “KNOW” how to treat my body…..says the one who WAS stuck in an eating disorder most of her life, lol. Do what I do, you’ll be better. PRIDE! Eat this and don’t eat that, and you’ll be better. PRIDE! Exercise like this and you’ll be better. PRIDE! Friend, yep that’s pride talking. I’ll preach to myself if you don’t need it. We think we know what’s best for others but in truth, do we even know or do what’s best for ourselves?

Ouchie😐 I’ll say that again….. We think we know best for others but in truth, do we even know or do what’s best for ourselves?

Are we walking in freedom or in bondage still wrapped up in a bow on a pretty package? Still rooted in fear. Still enslaved to our own devices?

Pride has no place in us.

Truth is, I don’t know what’s best for someone else, oh but I know THE ONE who does. My Jesus does. I can do my best to be an example to others but what they do is between them and God. Not for me to judge. I don’t know what’s in their heart. I can speculate, and yea I could be right but it’s still for them and God. They have their own story to walk out just like I have mine to walk out.

You work on you. You let God work in you so you can be the best version of YOU! You were created for a purpose and God has great plans for you. Plans to do good and not harm. Plans for freedom and healing! Only you can do the hard work and get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Yepppp! I said “get comfortable” with being uncomfortable. We never grow and change staying the same, doing the same things over and over again. No, we have to do different, and it may feel uncomfortable but friend it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It’s just uncomfortable and it’s OK!

Walk it out baby! You and God got this!!

Big hugs,

Nicole💗